Why?

A big question I get asked is “Why foster care?” To tell you the truth, I never imagined I would be a foster parent. This certainly was not part of my 10 year plan when I was in undergrad. It wasn’t even part of my 5 year plan when I was in graduate school.

A quick timeline of my life: I graduated college in 2003 and became a Children’s Minister. After serving in a church for 10 years (12 if you count internships) I realized I was not serving people to my fullest capacity so I became a therapist. While getting my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy I worked in a child abuse agency and my eyes were opened to trauma children face and how they cope with it. In 2013 I began working as a therapist for children and their families in the foster care system.

After undergrad, I didn’t date much, if at all. In my early 20′s I began telling my family “if I’m single when I’m 35, I’m going to adopt.” You see, my entire life I’ve dreamt of the marriage and the children and the stay at home mom job. When I was in high school my family always joked that I’d be the first of my sisters to marry and end up with ten kids. That was just me. It still is. But my life looks a little different now. I still want the marriage, but I’m scared of it. I still want the kids, but maybe just two. I haven’t given up on my dreams, they just look different.

The idea of becoming a foster parent came about when I was at work a year ago and my boss said “you would be a great foster mom.” A few weeks later I enrolled in licensure classes and a few months after that I was licensed. I’ve wanted to have my own children, whether birthed or adopted, for years. Fostering seemed to be a good way of practicing. It would not only provide me with someone to care for and protect, it would give children someone to care for and protect them. The falling in love part wasn’t expected.

Children make wishes and fantasize and use their imagination to create great things. They don’t wish for their parents to abandon them or choose unhealthy vices over them. They don’t fantasize about how many different strangers they’ll live with over a lifetime. They don’t use their imagination to create the trauma and terror that comes with being stripped from their parents. If I can do one thing with my life, I hope I do this foster thing right. I hope the children I care for and protect feel loved.

So I don’t think the question should be “Why?” I think it’s actually “Why not?”